top of page
AutorenbildJosephine S

The Orgin Story

The Origin Story


In 2022 I posted a profile on a website seeking pen pals to write with. Over time I received only a few letters. Two of which came back because it was a bad address. It was quite strange. I received another from a veteran whom I write from time to time. That was it.


I presumed because I did not have a picture for my profile that I wasn't going to get very many people to write to me. My year subscription was about to expire in a few months and I was not going to renew it because I did not find any real connections. One night during late October I received a letter in the mail. It was from Germany and it had my name on it. At first I thought it may have been a mistake but nope, that's MY name. I don't know anyone from Germany. Maybe it's just some propaganda or advertising that random prison advocates send me. That's what I really thought.


I opened the letter and the handwriting was some of the best I had ever seen. 10 pages of blue ink. The handwriting reminded me of calligraphy, it was that good. How do I translate calligraphy? I can't read this! Haha. At the top of the first page was my opening line of my pen pal profile: 


"Perspective Defines Individuality. Individuality Changes With New Perspective."


Okay. It's someone responding to my profile. Her name is Nina, she's well educated and has a good grasp on psychology. Really befitting because I practice Buddhism and the principles in Buddhism and modern psychology are one in the same, yet they are all impermanent. What I found in her letter and the many to come afterwards was a true friend. A person who cared me as an individual and about the position I am in and truly wants to help. To have that amount of care and support in such an isolated situation that I am in is a feeling I cannot describe unless you have been in my shoes.


She wanted to learn about my case and why I ended up with a life sentence. I was a bit skeptical of explaining the American/Texas criminal justice system because for people who do not understand how it works, it can be a bit overwhelming. How can an innocent person become convicted of a crime? The answer is simple. In America, justice is simply a demonstration of power. You need not be guilty in Texas. The moment they have you, if you are not wealthy enough to afford an attorney, you've already lost. My family was quoted $50,000 for a trial attorney to represent me.


After explaining my situation, the case, along with presenting the evidences from trial, she began to understand just how real these injustices actually are. I am the one living this and it hit me like a truck when I found out how unjust and unfair the judicial system really is. It's a bad dream without end. She offered me her help with no real way for me to possibly pay her back. It's a lot to take on. I wanted to say no because I knew the level of work it would take but at the same time, If I said no, I will most likely die in prison for a crime I did not commit. She is the reason you are reading my words today and I hope that one day I can repay her for this tremendous act of kindness.


I have become great friends with a stranger, thousands of miles away, separated by an Ocean and countless borders. Just when I thought my year subscription for a pen pal would not attract anyone, did she ever prove me wrong! The universe gifted me with someone spectacular. Why? I do not know. But I am forever grateful. Yes, I have friends and family outside of here. But they are very busy with their lives to be able to dedicate the level of help that Nina has done. It may sound heartless of them, but it is not. Americans are so used to people going to prison for very long amounts of time with very little chance of overturning their cases. But, as with anything in life, it takes effort. You cannot eat an oyster without first bypassing its shell. Nina has set the water to boil.


We got to write for months and the mail took some time. About 10 days give or take to receive a letter. Around March 20, 2023 our prison system, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) issued all of us tablets which has a messaging app that allows us to send "emessages" which are similar to emails. So now our communication is much more efficient. But unfortunately as of July 17, 2023, TDCJ is no longer allowing us to have physical mail and is now digitizing ALL mail to be sent to our tablets. I'll never again be able to hold a physical letter. Not from Nina or anyone. That truly saddens me. Messages are very convenient but it's not the same as physical mail.


So this is the Origin Story of this blog. My campaign to obtain my freedom would not be at all possible if it were not for this truly amazing person. I have so many things that need to be done and so many favors to ask that I often feel guilty for asking. Such as looking things up on the internet or sending emails. But she understands that I simply do not have these capabilities and reassures me that it's really not a big deal. I guess I am truly blessed once more because any attorney in the world would love to have a free secretary! Haha just kidding.


So please do not thank ME for being able to read my story. Thank Nina because she is the one who is making this all possible. Thank you.


Please feel free to ask me any questions that you may have.

61 Ansichten0 Kommentare

Aktuelle Beiträge

Alle ansehen

Texas Triad of Injustice

By Justin Panus, TDCJ #02167693. August 24, 2023 I would like to present to you a petition I helped submit in 2022 to a body of the...

THE STAFF SHORTAGE /PETITION

THE STAFF SHORTAGE / OVERCROWDING EPIDEMIC IN THE TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF CRIMINAL JUSTICE To: Dr. Alice Jill Edwards, Special Rapporteur on...

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
Beitrag: Blog2_Post

Kontakt / Contact

Danke für's Absenden!

Beitrag: Kontakt
Untitled

Der erste Brief / The first letter 


Was schreibt man als erstes an einen Häftling? Komischerweise, hatte ich keine Probleme die passenden Worte zu finden. Einfach alles fühlte sich ganz natürlich an, als würde ich seine Seele schon sehr lange kennen. (Nein, nicht im romantischen Sinne.) Ich spürte einfach eine tiefe Verbundenheit. Bei einem Verbündeten stellt sich die Frage nicht, welche Themen angebracht sind. Mein erster Brief an ihn war 10 Seiten lang. Ich musste mich quasi bremsen, denn an Ideen mangelte es nicht. Ich erzählte ihm über Intuition, wie ich ihn gefunden habe, über die Macht der Gedanken. Meine Träume und Wünsche. Einfach alles, was mir auf der Seele lag und wovon ich genau wusste, dass er weiß wovon ich rede. Eine Woche habe ich gebraucht um zu überlegen, ob ich das wirklich möchte. Man hört schließlich von Gefahren und Warnungen was solche Brieffreundschaften betrifft. Aber wie kann ich meiner Intuition eine Abfuhr erteilen? Garnicht, ganz genau! Also ab zur Post damit. 22 Tage habe ich gewartet... Dann war sie da, seine Antwort. Nicht nur die Antwort auf meinen Brief, sondern auch die Antwort auf meine Intuition. Auf 14 Seiten schrieb er genauso, wie ich es gehofft hatte. Das ist die Seele, die ich schon kenne. Kein Zweifel. 



What is the first thing you write to a prisoner? Strangely enough, I had no trouble finding the right words. Just everything felt natural, as if I had known his soul for a very long time. (No, not in the romantic sense.) I just felt a deep connection. With an ally, there is no question about what topics are appropriate. My first letter to him was 10 pages long. I had to sort of slow myself down, because there was no shortage of ideas. I told him about intuition, how I found it, about the power of thoughts. My dreams and wishes. Just everything that was on my mind and that I knew he knew what I was talking about. It took me a week to think about whether I really wanted this. After all, one hears of dangers and warnings concerning such pen pals. But how can I refuse my intuition? Not at all, exactly! So off to the post office with it. 22 days I waited... Then there it was, his answer. Not only the answer to my letter, but also the answer to my intuition. On 14 pages he wrote exactly as I had hoped. This is the soul I already know. No doubt about it.

Die Anfänge / The beginnings

2022, nach einem wundervoll inspirierendem Abend bei einer Freundin, folgte ich meiner Intuition auf der Suche nach... Ja, nach was eigentlich? Das wusste ich zu diesem Zeitpunkt noch nicht. Ich vertraute meiner inneren Stimme und ließ mich einfach leiten. In den Tiefen weiten des Internets, durchforstete ich Seiten nach Schreibutensilien. Ich liebe alte Füllfederhalter, Kugelschreiber, schönes Papier und tolle Briefumschläge. Stundenlang sah ich mir antike Füller an, las Poesie und Kurzgeschichten, bis ich auf einer Seite für Brieffreundschaften landete. Ich dachte mir, es sei nett, mal wieder etwas anderes in meinem Briefkasten zu finden, als Rechnungen. Irgendwie spürte ich jedoch, dass dies nicht das ist, wonach ich "gesucht" habe. Durch Zufall stieß ich dann auf eine Seite names "Wire of Hope". Es hat ein paar Minuten gedauert, bis ich begriffen habe worum es eigentlich ging. Es ist eine wundervolle Seite, die US-Häftlinge vorstellt, welche auf der Suche nach Brieffreundschaften sind. Zugegeben, hatte auch ich ein paar Vorurteile und dachte mir "Naja, Brieffreunde suchen die sicherlich nicht". Trotzdem hat meine Neugierde gesiegt und ich sah mir ein paar Profile von Insassen an. Was habe ich überhaupt erwartet? Ich weiß es nicht! Die ersten drei Profile waren, mehr oder weniger,  genau das, was ich vermutet hatte. Eben Männer auf der Suche nach etwas, vorzugsweise weiblicher, Ablenkung. Wer kann es ihnen verübeln? Das vierte Inserat las sich jedoch anders. Ich erinnere mich genau an dessen Anfang "Perspective defines individuality. Individuality changes with new perspective. Let us evolve our individualism and share our perspectives. I welcome a conversation with an open mind... " Und da war es, dieses besondere Gefühl. Meine Intuition führte mich nicht zu etwas, sondern zu Jemandem! Justin. 
In 2022, after a wonderfully inspiring evening at a friend's house, I followed my intuition in search of.... Yes, for what actually? I didn't know that at the time. I trusted my inner voice and simply let myself be guided. In the depths of the Internet, I searched pages for writing utensils. I love old fountain pens, ballpoint pens, beautiful paper and great envelopes. I spent hours looking at antique fountain pens, reading poetry and short stories, until I landed on a site for pen pals. I thought it would be nice to find something other than bills in my mailbox. Somehow, however, I felt that this was not what I was "looking" for. By chance I came across a site called "Wire of Hope". It took me a few minutes to realize what it was all about. It is a wonderful site that features US prisoners who are looking for pen pals. Admittedly, I too had some preconceptions and thought to myself "well, they certainly aren't looking for pen pals". Nevertheless, my curiosity won out and I looked at a few profiles of inmates. What was I expecting to find anyway? I don't know! The first three profiles were, more or less, exactly what I had suspected. Just men looking for some, preferably female, distraction. Who can blame them? The fourth ad, however, read differently. I remember exactly how it began: "Perspective defines individuality. Individuality changes with new perspective. Let us evolve our individualism and share our perspectives. I welcome a conversation with an open mind... "And there it was, this special feeling. My intuition led me not to something, but to Someone! Justin.

Beitrag: Infos

Abo-Formular

Vielen Dank!

Beitrag: Subscribe Form
bottom of page